Donna Matrix


Winner of the 1994 Honky Tonk Queen contest.

"1994 Washington, DC
Out of the Secretarial Pool, and out of the Swimming Pool, Too!

Moolena had gotten a little too close to a meat grinder and was served up on a platter for this contest. (You might say that instead of a tartan, she wore a tartare!) For the first – and only – time in HTQ history, the runner-up had to fulfill the duties of the dead Queen, and we elevated the lovely, but confused, Curli-Q to be Queen for one hour – not a bad reign for a girl nobody wanted! The Honky Tonk Queen contest was again held at a reasonable hour, and Lois entered yet again. This time, she lost to a rubber-encased lesbian who stole Lois’ idea of having peons (no, not pee on!!!) chant her name. Gotta luv a girl who steals from the best!

Donna Matrix had a great contingent, who proved to one and all that we truly were not worthy. While the contest was a few laughs, the bathing beauties (also known as the Honky Tonk Training Academy, or just Miss Jean Brodie’s School for Girls) were ejected from the pool by a hotel manager for scaring the children. Seriously! And in the midst of a Democratic administration!!! The embarrassment! The humiliation!! The humanity!!! THE BASTARD!!!!![1]