Food: Chuck and Brian

Food:Chuck & Brian
by Sarah Galvin

BRIAN WAS NERVOUS THE NIGHT OF his first square dance. He'd ventured a few miles from Stanford, where he was in grad school, to attend a learn-to-dance night in Palo Alto, California, hosted by the El Camino Reelers, a gay and lesbian square dance club. He arrived a bit early, when few people were there, which as anyone who's been the first to a party knows does not help with shyness. Fortunately, the hospitality chair, Chuck, was setting up when he arrived, and was happy to make him a name badge and explain how the dance night would transpire. During the brief introduction, Chuck asked Brian for his first dance, and Brian agreed with a smile.

Newcomers filed in, and the room was soon a kaleidoscope of plaid. When the first dance began, Chuck and Brian took each other's hands and, in the tradition of the gender-neutral dance club, decided who would lead and who would follow. "As time goes on, dancers are given the opportunity to learn both follow and lead," Chuck said of the dance club. "After all, Ginger Rogers said she did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in heels!"

Brian returned for weekly lessons, drawn partly by his growing friendship with Chuck, which had an element of yet-unspoken attraction. Autumn arrived, and Chuck began planning the annual Thanksgiving dinner he hosts for friends. Thanksgiving is Chuck's favorite holiday because it's a celebration of the people one chooses to be with and the gifts of life to be thankful for. This year, he invited Brian. Brian had a previous engagement, but was quick to suggest a date for leftovers.

The following day, over turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and everything except possibly dressing and garnish, Chuck and Brian talked for hours. Over the course of the conversation, it became increasingly clear that they were attracted to each other. Finally, one of them admitted it. Though the feeling was mutual, Chuck wasn't looking for a relationship, having been widowed a few years earlier. Brian had sympathy and respect for Chuck's situation, but he was overcome with affection, and wound up staying the night. Both of them were happy with the decision, though Chuck joked that it was presumptuous of Brian to bring a toothbrush (which he'd brought simply in preparation for a long drive).

Brian's commute became a regular occurrence, and their relationship flourished. It wasn't long before he had a toothbrush at Chuck's. The two decided to attend the annual IAGSDC (International Association of Gay Square Dance Clubs) Convention in Portland together, and on the drive from San Francisco to Oregon, they discovered they traveled together as well as they danced. They had a blast in Portland-dancing all weekend and making new friends.

Inspired by friends' encouragement, Chuck decided, for the first time, to enter the convention's annual midnight Honky Tonk Queen contest-as he describes it, "a tongue in cheek, gender-bending 'beauty' contest with square dance elements."

Brian was already in bed, having danced nonstop the entire day, when Chuck came into their hotel room and presented him with a ripped T-Shirt, boxer shorts and a jar of soap bubbles, transforming him into an escort for Chuck's newly invented drag persona, Patsy Sue Veneer. "We went onstage in front of a thousand people and proceeded to dance," said Brian. "One drag queen had a full-blown Christmas Tree on her head." "It was my first attempt to do drag, in a ratty wig, a half-slip and makeup applied by the light of fireworks," Chuck added. They had fun, and the contest went well; it was not the last time Chuck and Brian would take the stage together to perform their John Waters and truck stop-inspired drag act.

In 2000, Brian was awarded his PhD in English from Stanford, and Chuck was laid off, raising questions for both position as professor of English at the University of Washington, and Chuck found a new job managing corporate events in California. Faced with the prospect of living in different states, the two discussed the situation at length. Chuck stayed in California but frequently traveled for work. Brian stayed with him in California when classes weren't in session, and Chuck was sometimes able to fly to Seattle for a weekend with Brian.

After making this arrangement work for an impressive five years, Chuck and Brian were tired of missing each other so frequently. They wanted to share a home, the quiet times after work, and the minutia of daily life. They resolved to find a way to live together. Chuck sold his house, put all but the necessities in storage, and moved into Brian's apartment (the dimensions of which Chuck described by pantomiming an area the size of a walnut). With luck and some searching, they found a house in Seattle the perfect size for themselves and their cat, Sam; their first home together.

Fortuitously, after the move, Washington State redefined its domestic partnership, granting partnered residents nearly all of the legal rights of married ones. Without question, Brian and Chuck knew they loved each other, and decided it was time to take a huge step and register for a domestic partnership. "We were thrilled that we now had legal protections of medical decisions, rights of inheritance, and health insurance," said Chuck.

When DOMA was overturned, Chuck was finally legally able to make one of the most profound gestures of love-he asked Brian to spend his life with him. Chuck's marriage proposal, appropriately, was made over leftovers.

Rather than quietly letting their domestic partnership transfer into a marriage license, the two decided to have a big party with friends and family.

Chuck's family, who had always been supportive of his relationship with Brian, was elated to hear they were getting married. Chuck discussed the details of the event with his mother, who helped generate ideas.

Brian and Chuck took a road trip to visit Brian's parents in Illinois, so he could talk to them about the upcoming wedding and make sure they would be part of the celebration. Happy for their son and his soon-to-be husband, they agreed to come to Seattle for what they called Brian and Chuck's "Special Day."

Chuck's background in event planning could not have been more useful in preparation for the "Special Day." He had planned many weddings, and combined the best parts of all of them to create the best celebration he could imagine. The process involved collaboration with other professional planners, who pressured Chuck and Brian to model their wedding exactly after a certain kind of traditional straight wedding. But Chuck and Brian were adamant that the celebration involve only personally significant elements. Chuck wanted their sexual identities be honored and celebrated by their wedding, rather than downplayed.

For example, rather than the flower arrangements the planners suggested, they designed decorations they felt representative of their masculinity. They gathered gourds, miniature pumpkins, and brightly colored autumn maple leaves, which Chuck's best man and his partner made into centerpieces.

Chuck and Brian chose the University of Washington Faculty Club as a venue for its lovely views and excellent food, and to show their support of the university-which was, after all, the reason for their move to Seattle.

They opted for a custom playlist rather than the traditional hired DJ. The list, compiled by Chuck, included jazz and other cocktail-party appropriate genres to set the mood for a dinner party. "We wanted people to be able to mingle without being pulled to the dance floor for the hokeypokey when they were in the midst of a great conversation," he said. In addition to DJs and flower arrangements, the two excluded the traditional bouquet and garter throwing, which they feel is sexist.

Guests were offered a variety of drinks upon their arrival, to help them get comfortable and offset the gravity of the occasion, which can border on somberness at some weddings. The playlist during this time included some tongue in cheek classics such as Grace Jones's "I Need a Man," the Weather Girls's "It's Raining Men," and Lyle Lovett's version of "Stand By Your Man," which contributed to a party atmosphere.

To commence the ceremony, Chuck and Brian made their entrance to Judy Garland's rendition of "Somewhere over the Rainbow,” hand in hand, wearing matching tuxedos and purple bow ties, with tears of joy in their eyes. There were soon tears in the eyes of the guests, as well.

A mutual friend Arnie (an Internet-ordained minister) and the best men, Steve and Chris, met the couple at the front of the room, where Chuck and Brian exchanged rings. As at Chuck's traditional Thanksgiving dinners, Brian and Chuck were in the company of all the people they choose to be with, and they shared the vows they had written for each other and signed their marriage license in the presence of this beloved audience. During the ceremony, Chuck and Brian surprised the guests by producing cameras from their pockets and turning around to photograph the assembly, which reacted with laughter.

Later, Brian and Chuck were pleased to discover the caper had yielded some pretty good pictures. "Everything doesn't have to serious," said Chuck. "Weddings are a celebration; they should be fun."

The newlyweds joined their parents for an old-fashioned receiving line and welcomed everyone to the dining room to enjoy the celebratory Thanksgiving feast. They describe the rest of the day as a blur of really good memories.

Chuck and Brian had worked with the faculty club's chef to design a Thanksgiving dinner of turkey, brussels sprouts, potatoes, and pumpkin pie: an homage to their first autumn together and the shared values symbolized by the holiday. The dinner was a hit; the turkey even seduced one vegetarian.

At dinner, toasts from the best men (each a friend of Chuck and Brian since childhood) concluded with an invitation to the guests to move to another table and meet new people, in the style of academic dinners at Oxford, where Brian was a Rhodes Scholar.

In addition to pie, dessert, of course, included wedding cake. Chuck and Brian's cake was from Morfey's Cake, a long-standing Seattle favorite. The three-tiered cake was decorated with circles, dots, and a lavender ribbon, and contained a layer of peanut butter, Chuck and Brian's favorite flavor. The cake topper: a silhouette of two men holding a tiny heart.

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